Happy six years to my favorite with good reason. You've never let me get away with shit that's been at either my expense or yours and I continue to be grateful for it. Our late night Watch2gethers are still a bright point and a favorite memory, as well as the number of times you've made me laugh harder than I thought I really wanted to. I know I've focused in the past on the funny shit you've said, but I think I'd... rather not this time? It feels minimizing when you bring so much more than that to a friendship (even if you DO deflect with humor a lot - fucker).

So I thought I'd focus on our stories, because looking back, it feels like in a way, they've captured where we've been at any given time in our lives and in regards to our friendship/... thing-not-thing.

Shaith and Renalith reflected that weird 'honeymoon' phase where we were (or at least I was) excited to be experiencing all of this random shit together... and so were they. So much nerdiness and sharing, and silly moments in the middle of the night in between those times when I was suffering from panic attacks and you had the bandwidth and patience to ride out the fear with me. I realized I had a thing for you the night you offered to sit in a call with me until I made it safely back to my room, despite knowing full well that there was no risk and nothing to be afraid of. You know that - right?

Hintiel and Zasha coincide with a settling feeling of comfort, but also rougher moments. Things I'm struggling to remember to write about right now because they were unpleasant for both of us and my mind doesn't like to recall more than necessary. I remember an uncertainty that surrounded how you went quiet for months - how you needed to go quiet for months. Zashtiel are often so doomed with themes of leaving or dying - ultimate separation either way. Plucking from my own doubt and angst over you being gone made it easy to relate enough to understand how she processed those harder moments. It's no secret that I felt shut out so often - and I know I drove you nuts in all the worst ways with my pushing and prodding and begging for your attention. That you're still here still means a lot to me.

Tareen and Zasha feels like growth. It feels like acceptance and growing understanding. The acceptance that you'll come back when you can - that you listened when I shared how much something hurt. I hope I've been able to reciprocate effectively and stop doing the things that have bothered you in the past. Where Hintiel and Zasha are volatile and intense, deeply loving and horrifically broken... she and Tareen find joy. They find light more easily. No matter how broken one is or feels they are, the other accepts them. (You are exceptionally good at dodging serious topics by using similar tactics to Tareen though; I've learned to not push when you do.) ... Okay so we (or at least I) kinda suck at the whole 'finding joy' thing, but the whole acceptance/comfort/understanding thing? Yeah.

The Wolf and the Deer are a different kind of comfort. New. To me, it's reflective of something that forms with time. I find myself far less worried about offending you with ribbing and you just excel at continuing to make fun of me, you asshole. I don't know what else they're going to reflect, but I'm at least able to spot that much in them. I can be myself with you. The only time I hesitate is when I worry about stealing spoons from your drawer that aren't mine to take. Also becoming boring. I worry about that a lot.

I know we have a bunch of other stories we've written - and likely others we have yet to tell. But I hope this makes sense, doesn't weird you out, and properly shares how much I appreciate and love you because you are a fucking spectacular human being and fuck you, take the compliment.

Eat my whole ass. ♥